SURVIVAL STORIES 2 (Stephen’s CAE2 2005)


Once upon a time there was a dwarf living in the Antarctic. The only thing that he could digest were cucumbers. After 3 cold, windy weeks, he realised that there were only two cucumbers left. Overcome with sorrow, he decided to visit his parents in their little village.

This place was one of the poorest, dirtiest and most boring in the whole wide world. Who would suppose that it wasn’t Szamotuły? It was…. Wronki!

When he reached his parents’ house, he realised that something was wrong. He could feel it in his tiny bones. When he knocked on the wooden door, he heard a terrible scream… He could have sworn that it was the voice of his little mother. He entered the house immediately. Suddenly someone hit him on the head with a little wooden chair. He lost consciousness.

When he woke up he became aware that he had been kidnapped in his own house by his own mother, who had turned into a little fatneck. He thought that this was his end, but fortunately he found a little yellow whistle in his pocket. He started blowing this whistle. After a few minutes, a man came to rescue him, but this man was deaf. It was pure luck that a dwarf had been found by this man in his parents’ home.

by Asia & Basia


Years ago, when I was teenager, something terrible happened to me.

One day me and my parents went to Wronki to visit our family. Because it was extremely boring sitting around the table, eating and watching video-films from their last holiday, me and my cousin decided to go for a short walk.

When we were strolling along the walls of the jail, we were suddenly stopped by a horde of fatnecks. Because there was an epidemic of diarrhoea among prison guards, the fat necked prisoners forced the walls and escaped.
They wanted to kidnap us both. I decided to take an extreme step and offered them my cousin’s mobile. They took it, but it didn’t satisfy them. They wanted more…
So I told them that I’m ready to give them my cousin, whose fat and wobbling bottom meant he could have a delicious lunch.

The fatnecks seemed to be over the moon and gave me Krzysztof Krawczyk’s picture instead. That was a really good deal.

by Ania & Kasia


That scientific expedition was meant to be the greatest adventure of my life… Could you imagine something more exciting than exploring the ice of the Antarctic? I don’t think so …

Unfortunately, after a few days of promising investigations of frozen arctic tiger remnants, we were suddenly attacked by mad, wild animals – they looked like seals, but were much bigger. They had yellow tusks, sounded like horses and smelled horribly. We didn’t know what to do, it was so unexpected. (erm, they were probably walruses, ed.)

In an act of desperation, one of our professors took a picture of his favourite artist, Krzysztof Krawczyk, out of his pocket . He wanted to look at Krzysztof’ picture one more time before his death…

And then… it was amazing! All the seals turned back and ran away, screaming in terror!

by Monika and Agnieszka