Daft Road Sign Captions (Proficiency – 2014)

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  • No scrap metal collectors beyond this point.

  • Unauthorised vehicles will be removed.

  • Uncommon transport devices are to be removed from this district.

  • Unauthorised vehicles are prohibited.

  • On no account should you push a trolley here.

  • Do not enter with two-wheel unmotorised vehicles.

  • Operation of unidentified appliances is prohibited.

  • On no account are wheelbarrows to be pushed here.

  • Stealing trolleys is prohibited.

 

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  • No grumpy people allowed.

  • Stroppiness strictly prohibited.

  • Standing here is not allowed.

  • No self-confidence is allowed beyond this point.

  • Dancing to the Village People’s ‘YMCA’ is strictly forbidden.

  • Standing in this pose strictly forbidden.

  • No people permitted.

  • No unauthorised persons are permitted beyond this point.

  • Pedestrians are to be eliminated from this area.

 

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  • No whipping allowed in this area.

  • On no account are BDSM practices allowed.

  • No violence permitted in this area.

  • Under no circumstances is sexual harassment allowed.

  • No fem-dom allowed during working hours (unless PMS occurs).

  • Feminist behaviour is forbidden.

  • ‘Surrendered husbands’ are not permitted in this area.

  • No dominant behaviour.

  • Snake-throwing is strictly forbidden.

 

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  • On no account are you to bring your own camel.

  • No camels should be crossing this area.

  • Camels must be removed from this shopping centre.

  • Unauthorized camels will be forcibly removed from this area.

  • Camels are prohibited.

  • Breaking the camel’s back will be strictly punished.

  • Camels not allowed – improvised explosive device hazard.

  • Lovers of camels are not allowed.

  • No camels allowed beyond this point.

  • Wayward camels will be removed from this area.

  • Pantomime camels strictly prohibited.

 

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  • You are not allowed to keep hazardous substances in the car.

  • No exploding cars allowed.

  • Hollywood filming zone – beware of exploding cars.

  • No oil and petrol are permitted in the trunk of the car.

  • Pyrotechnics practice zone – feel warned.

  • No explosives allowed in motor vehicles beyond this point.

  • LPG vehicles are not allowed to park here.

  • Under no circumstances should you drive a car on fire to the fire department.

 

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  • Throwing unwanted things out of the car is a felony.

  • No baby-dropping is allowed.

  • All infants must be seated safely.

  • Babies are not to be thrown from cars in this zone.

  • On no account should babies be left unattended in the vehicle.

  • You mustn’t let your baby be abducted from the vehicle.

  • All infants must be clean and safe outside the car.

  • Under no circumstances should you leave a baby outside the car.

  • Keeping children outside a car is strictly prohibited.