A Guide to Dating in Poland (by Sabina, CAE)

Write a ‚Guide to Dating in Poland’ for an international student magazine. 

Sabina – CAE 

EVERYTHING

YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW

ABOUT POLISH DATES

BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK

Let’s face it, nothing is more important to male than female. Maybe Elton John wouldn’t agree with this statement but the truth is that every Romeo needs his Juliet and every Tony needs his Cherie.

In your salad days Casanova was your nickname, but now you’ve grown up and become emotionally mature. You’re fed up with one-night stands and bored with having a fling with promiscuous slags , sluts and slappers. You don’t want to be a ladies’ man any more but to take a commitment seriously. However, finding your Ms Right in Poland is not an easy job.

Fortunately you’ve got this amazing guide which is a treasure trove of ideas and pointers that you may find useful.

Here below is some advice:

ON THE BIG DAY:

• you must keep your lady waiting at least 3 hours in a driving rain in a dodgy place

• when you finally come, make no apologies. Explain that you haven’t got flowers because they are too expensive.

• if you go to the restaurant, order as many dishes as possible and make a real pig of yourself

• during the meal you should describe her carefully your problems with your bowels and with dandruff

• be an observer – look persistently at her breasts

• try to impress her by talking only about your achievements, show that you are self-centered and self-confident

• when she cracks a joke, your face should remain inscrutable, just say very unconvincingly : Hmm.It’s very funny. Really.

• become completely plastered and after eating chuck up on a table or on your girlfriend’s brand new stiletto shoes

• you may tell her that you’ve never had a partner before because you are a sheepshagger

• after the meal don’t go Dutch!!! Let your lady pay for her and for your as well.

AFTER THE BIG DAY:

• you should publish in „Fakt” all the details of your hanky-panky

• you mustn’t call her again!!!

And if after all this she phoned you and would be interested in fixing up a second date- there are 2 possibilities:

1) She is mad

or

2) She is a Perfect Woman and must really love you. In such case don’t waste your time on further dates and marry her immediately!!!